Love Letters for the Full Moon of May

Dearest,

I drove to work last night; and there was a full moon in the sky. Looking up, I detest that I cannot preoccupy myself with my usual book and phone surfing routine. I hate driving alone these days.

Instead I stare at the moon and in a very corny way, I wonder if that full moon looks the same where you are right now.

Then I tear up while I steer the wheel and the road and the car lights start to blur together into a watery mess. My mind wanders to the night I had a moment of weakness: I drank so much in a short amount of time and I hit *send*. I never got a response, but that's ok with me. Yet tonight, I find myself asking - where was your moment of weakness? Am I alone in my sadness?

So, feeling defeated, I feel my tears start to run down my cheeks. Suddenly I get a text from a friend with a crisis of his own. I was relived for a distraction and I pull over to answer his text, spending the next few minutes sorting out the issue. When I was done, I look up and start to pull out onto the road. I forgot what I was thinking about and light a cigarette and change the radio station. I hate the taste of that cigarette but I smoke it anyway. Any distraction would do.

I act like nothing had happened even though I'm the only one in the car - A process I'm not unfamiliar with. I just drive on and on into the night blocking my feelings from emerging again. On these sorts of nights is when I really am alone with my thoughts and feelings; and weeks of happiness sometimes unfold within 45 minutes of driving. That sucks the most. So I call my friend so he can make me smile again; and he successfully does.

Yet, the full moon stares me down and I avoid staring back because this thought keeps coming up: "Damn, I really do miss him". And at those times of solace, I really do. I really do miss you.

Yours Always,

Natalie