My Mapiful Journey

Sponsored Post by: Mapiful. Printed Map in Modern Design + Mapiful Black Frame
Photos by me on my Canon 70D.

When I was 21, I quit my two jobs to travel to France.
I spent two months in Paris, one of the most romantic and beautiful cities in the world. Spent my days at museums, parks, churches, cafes, castles and memorials. I ate so many baguettes and cheese. I fed alot of fat pigeons. I saw so many beautiful swans in ponds. I sent and received post cards from friends. I spent alot of time walking and thinking about my first love. It really was a magical time and it was sad to bid farewell.

I flew back to Sydney alone and I turned 22 over international waters. Ten years later I turned to Mapiful to bring those memories back to life. And now this beautiful frame sits on my shelf to remind me of where my life began. Thanking Mapiful for this gift 💜

I customized this map by typing in the location I wanted and wrote my own "Where Life Began" quote. Then I chose a Mapiful black frame to go with my map. It shipped so quickly and it was the perfect Christmas gift for myself. 

Forever Young

I'm sorry I said we were tainted. We are not. If anything we have been faithful only to each other. You and I are still the most stable thing I've ever had since I can remember. 

Just know that no one in this world could ever love you like I have loved you. You have my heart. 

I'm just... I'm sorry I couldn't be that girl that you could only keep from sunset to sunrise.
If only.. you believed in forever. 

Luna, my Amazing Dog

Luna - RIP 2005 - 2016

On the 15th of December, 2016, my dog Luna passed away.
She died from either cancer in the lung, or of pneumonia which was caused by a bone being lodged into her throat.
Luna was 11 years old, so she lived a long happy life. I know we as a family worked hard to give her just that. My mom always gave her the bigger bowl of food, I always rubbed her stomach, I washed her and we took her for walks.

She wasn't always a white furred dog. I bought her as a black furred puppy. When she turned 1 years old I decided to cut her hair as it was growing long. Under that black fur was white and grey hair and it never went black again. I couldn't explain it but it was always a fascinating fact I told people when they first met Luna.

Her personality was extremely chilled and friendly. She rarely barked at people only at little kids when they ran past (the little shits). As she grew older she liked to pant alot while she rolled around on the cool tiled floor. She lived with our other two dogs and acted liked the mom that just wanted to be left alone. She was cool like that, always growling when the two younger dogs try and get her attention.

When she passed away, she was at the vet whilst we were sleeping. She was supposed to get surgery and stay there overnight, with us picking her up the next morning. It was heartbreaking to find out she had passed away instead.
 I wish that I got to hug her one last time, I wish I could've stroked her and held her in those last moments, I wish she was not alone probably wondering where we were.
The last thing I did for her before she went to the vet was tuck her into her dog bed, and tried to give her some water. I said goodnight and that was it.

Goodnight my Luna, I hope you're in Doggy Heaven and that you get all the stomach rubs you have ever wanted. You were wonderful and touched alot of lives here with your presence.
Thank you for those who gave their condolences and understood that Luna, was an integral part of the family.
I will never forget you.

Love Letters for the 13th of May

Dearest,  

I’ve come to you, morning day and night. I’ve cried in front of you, I’ve bit my lip in front of you and I’ve also been by your side at your most vulnerable I-want-to-take-it-out-on-anyone-I-see times. The best part of our relationship was that it was purely just, You and Me. You and Me. No one else made me happier. We rarely got anyone else involved and I cared about you and stood up for you no matter what other people said. 

It hurts my heart, but I hope you find someone who will make you happy, who will fill those voids in your heart, and who will keep you warm at night. I never want you to loathe yourself or ever feel lonely, and definitely not have your creativity crushed, ever.

I’ve always put up a tough girl agenda and brushed off any romantic talk. I just didn't know where to place my feelings for you or how to react to it. I can be a little harsh, I know. You acted indifferent at times towards me so I just reacted to that indifference. It was my little defence mechanism. I never wanted to be the first one to admit I liked you, so I just acted colder. 

I want to take this space to tell you that if I’ve ever hurt you or made you feel worst about the way you treated me – I apologise. I am truly sorry for our little back and forth games and if I made you feel like I wasn’t interested in your feelings or told you we would never date. I was stuck, I was just scared. Honestly, I only ever truly let my walls only recently, after you cracked my wall down with our heart breaking fight I couldn't help but be more vulnerable yet more affectionate at the same time. Knowing that I would soon lose you just bought that girl – the girl that loves you – out of me. I've realised , when you're out of my life, I am not the same girl.

Is it too late? I'm not too sure. But if you ever do need me, truly - I will come to you, morning day or night.

Always yours,

Natalie

Love Letters for the 12th of May

Dearest,

I have to tell you that I know deep down in your soul that you love me too. There's a part of your heart that is reserved for me. I'm not looking at the stars or the moon or destiny or fate for this admission I'm getting out of you but I can recall the countless times the different ways you have tried to get in contact with me even after we've agreed to shut each other out. They all still take me by surprise to this very day.

It’s a weird thought to me, even I can't admit it to myself that you love me without feeling I'm wrong. But I know the love is there, it’s very hard to explain, it even may be very small, but I just know it’s there. You have contacted me after a many a fight, and you told me you needed me. That there, told me something…that we had something strong, something solid.
Always though, there is this thought that maybe we aren't just meant to be. It’s still foreign to me, the thought of us being together and its true I don't expect us to be (but sometimes I blush a very deep pink at that embarrassing thought because sometimes I do think it). We always have the worse timing and keep going back and forth and missing our opportunities. 
However, deep down in your heart somewhere, I know that you love me, or at least loved me at one point in your life. I hope that one day you can admit it to yourself. I might need to wait a while, but I'm prepared to wait a lifetime for those three little words to sink into your heart: 'I loved her'.

Always yours,

Natalie

*Wearing: Zen Beanie from Zen Garage

Love Letters for the Month of May

Dearest,

I've never regretted a single moment with you. Although it was all a lot of fun and games and we never tried to be too serious, I always found that the happiest part of my day was meeting you and saying "hello" and the saddest part of my day was looking back at you and saying "goodbye". Dearest, I love you. I now know that I've loved you all along. And I know as I write this that I am completely in love with you and I will still love you in the future. I was just stuck before; I couldn't find the words to place my feelings or figure out why I would sometimes go bat shit crazy on you. But now I know why.

I've always just known that I was so happy to have you in my life. Yet now, obviously it is the time to let you go, and to let you have the life you want and for you to be happy. I don't know if I really contributed to your happiness but it seems like you will be happier without the burden of what we had.

So I want you to be happy, and that's how much I care for you. I am willing to let you go, let us go, for that very reason. So I'm finally, letting go.

Always yours..

Natalie